Attitude of Gratitude

Why is it hard to find an attitude of gratitude?

Granted we come into this world very selfish but why can't we be thankful? It is so hard to be grateful??

I mean, it isn't like we don't have things to be thankful for but yet we aren't. Is it easier to just taking those things for granted? I hope not because one day those things we hold dear may no longer be there.

Before bedtime every night at our house, we require the kids to tell us what they are thankful for. Therefore, I am going to do the same...

I AM THANKFUL FOR...

* My heavenly Father
* Being alive
* My health
* My beloved husband
* Three healthy and beautiful children
* Hubby's job
* My church
* That we can send our children to a private school
* Our warm home
* My family
* Our wonderful friends
* Reliable vehicles that get us where we need/want to go
* My city/town
* Sleep
* Sunshine
* Flowers
* The weekend away Hubby won, which we will take next March
* Butterflies which my daughter so loves
* Eagles which my son admires
* Giraffes which my second son favors
* All the other wonderful animals God has created

This by no means is a complete list. It continues to grow and expand. I am so blessed by God. He has given me a wonderful hubby, kids, family, friends and excellent health.

So for this Thanksgiving holiday and beyond, I choose to have an attitude of gratitude!! I hope that my attitude will teach my children to have the same.

Finding Me...

Why is it so hard to take care of me?

I have no problem taking care of my husband. In fact, I really enjoy it. Not fond of cleaning house but I enjoy puttering about, doing this and that, washing clothes, making beds, planning and organizing.

I have no problem taking care of my kids. Fixing them meals, teaching preschool homeschooling, doing laundry, being a taxi, giving baths, and picking up toys, etc.

But I can't seem to allow myself to take care of the woman/mom. I usually have good intentions to have girl time but it never happens. Partly because most of my friends have super busy lives and getting us all together is almost impossible. It is also because I tend to feel guilty. Yeah, I know I shouldn't but it is hard not to. I am a mom and a wife... there are things to do, kids to take care of, lunches/dinners to make, laundry to do, errands to run...Right? Well, right but after a while, I feel a little ragged. A little worn out and worn down.

So how do we as women find the time to make time for ourselves? Cuz, I tell ya...it isn't easy. I mean, I signed up to be a wife and mother. I don't ever want to shirk my duties. I take them very seriously!! :) But I also have to remember, I am still a woman in amongst the other titles.

This past Friday, I managed to go with a friend just the two of us. We went shopping... Not for things for the children (although she did find things for her girls) but for ourselves. It was amazing!!! We were able to just amble along, stop where we wanted, browse around, try things on, and just chat...no kids, no diaper bags, no strollers, no one to have to make sure has gone potty, no on pulling on me or yelling "Momma." It was like a breath of fresh air - a sense of rejuvenation. I was able to hear my own thoughts and some of them I forgot I even had rolling around in there. :D

That night, Hubby and I met up with my shopping friend and her hubby for a dinner date. Dinner without kids is a rare experience and very much treasured. To be able to sit on the same side with hubby and sit snuggled with him waiting on friends and food was pure bliss. I was able to sit and savor my food without having to urge kids to eat or run them to the bathroom.

So, while my duties as mom and wife are foremost right now, I believe that I need to remind myself every so often that I am still a woman and need time to myself. Look in the mirror and say to that strong woman "Let go of the guilt, remember and enjoy who you are. You are a better wife and a better mom by taking care of the woman buried inside."

Proud as Punch

As parents we are naturally proud of our children and look for every opportunity to "brag" on them. So, I am taking this chance to say just how very proud of my children I am!! They are far exceeding anything that is put in front of them!! My heart swells just a the thought of them and their achievements in the short years they have graced us with their presence.

Ethan is almost three... He has been potty trained since he was a little over 2. He has a huge vocabulary and speaks in complete sentences. He is bold and tenacious. There isn't anything he can't do when he puts his mind to it.

Max who will be five in a week is such a gentle and sensitive young boy. He is already sounding out words and reading as well as writing the alphabet and he hasn't even been to kindergarten yet. He has a natural ear for music and is picking up the guitar very well for his young age. I can't wait to see how he develops over the next few years.

Elisabeth, my one and only girl and so very like myself. So gentle and quiet, a friend to all. She continues to amaze me with everything she sets her hand to do. She came out of first grade reading on a sixth grade level. A graceful ballerina who just this past weekend captures a part as a mouse in the Tulsa Ballet Theater's Nutcracker!!

I pray that each one grows and develops to their fullest potential. I will be there to catch them when they fall as well as pushing them back out to achieve more.

God give me the grace to allow them to fail, the calmness to guide them through and the humbleness to be proud of them when they achieve their highest goals but yet not be arrogant.

Thank you God for the three beautiful blessings you have given Will and I and help us be the best parents that we can be.

Fall is Knocking

There is a knock at the back door...Fall is creeping in and I am loathe to answer. As a general rule I don't mind fall. In fact, I am usually grateful for it because of the blistering temps that usually reign around here. And here in the midwest, we can usually expect them last even into September. But it is still August and amazingly we had a cool/cold front move through bringing cool mornings and superbly mild days. A huge change from the triple digits the week before.

I know that Autumn heralds the start of school as well as the coming arrival of the holidays but I have a hard time letting go of summer. I love the painted toes peeking out of sassy sandals, the soft and flowing sundresses, the gorgeous colors of flowers, the smell of cut grass, the deep blue sky and the fluffy white clouds. And there is nothing like colors of a rainbow after a warm summer rain.

So right now, I can look behind me and see the trail that my heels are leaving as they are being drug into the next season. I honestly enjoy Fall...the cooler temps, the feel of crunchy leaves under foot, the smell of those first fireplace fires rising from the chimneys, pulling out the cozy sweaters, comfy jeans and sexy boots BUT I seriously dread winter.

There is nothing about winter that appeals to me. The beautiful colors of the other three season is gone. The trees and grass are barren and dead. The sky, when the sun actually does shine, is a very pale almost non-existent blue. The biting and painfully cold temperatures make me want to hibernate. Plus, I HATE to wear a coat and buckling a bundled-up child into a carseat is a feat that only the well-trained should even attempt.

But thankfully everything changes and that after we endure another bleak winter...spring and summer will be right around the corner once again to renew our faith and refresh our souls. Until then, I just will meet the wind head on and stand strong.

The End...or the Beginning?

How do you know when something has come to an end? Is it just over or do you know that the end is coming and you are prepared for it? Or maybe it is both.

I always knew from the time I was a small child that I wanted children. Getting married and becoming a mom was at the top of my list of childhood dreams. I never knew that the road to achieving that dream would be a difficult one. To begin with, I married later that I had "planned" to. But that was okay, he was worth waiting for!!

The next three years were finishing college and working, so when we did start we were well into our 30s. The next two years of trying to conceive were heartbreaking as we both wanted a little baby so very badly. We truly believed that God wanted us to have children and just kept believing He would answer our prayers. Our dreams were realized with the birth of our daughter, Elisabeth Nichole. Knowing it could take a while, we started trying for the second when Elisabeth was only 6 weeks old. True to the pattern, it took another two years of continuous and many times heartbreaking trying. Two years and seven months after the arrival of Elisabeth, Matthew Alexander (Max) made his debut. We were thrilled and in love with both our children.

Before we were even married, we picked out a boy name and a girl name. We were agreed that we both wanted two children. Now we had them and yet I still had a burning desire for more. I loved being pregnant and missed it once it was over. It was like I couldn't get enough. It was a drug that I was addicted to. I loved everything that had to do with pregnancy and babies. Don't get me wrong, I was happy and content with the two I had but just wasn't sure if it was the end. Not knowing if it was just that I had enjoyed being pregnant and being a mom so much that I wanted to keep doing it. Or if we were really meant to have more.

Well, God knew... When Max was 18 months old, we were surprised by the fact that #3 was going to arrive in nine months. Yet once again, after Ethan Zane made his arrival, I had that burning desire for more. Will and I had agreed that even though Ethan was a surprise and so very wanted, three was more than enough. So why did I still have that yearn? Would it always be there? Would I be 60 years old and still wanting more children? I didn't want to be one of those moms with a dozen children. I wanted to be able to afford private school. To spend quality time with each of them and not feel like I was spread thinner than thin. As it is, I never have any time to myself.

It wasn't that we didn't want any more but we agreed that as older parents we wanted to be able to concentrate on the three beautiful children God gave us. But even holding little ones belonging to friends made me long for more. I couldn't take anymore. I had to pray "God, either Will and I need to agree that we have more or this feeling needs to go!! I can't continue to yearn and ache for more children that I know I can't have."

Now it is 2010, Elisabeth is 7, Max is almost 5 and Ethan is almost 3 ... I can say that I feel the "end" is finally here. Our home is less and less babyfied. No more cribs, high chairs, bouncy seats, or pack-n-plays. The further we move away from the baby stage, the more I know that chapter is closed. It is kind of bittersweet in that so much of my life was getting to this point that looking ahead is kind of daunting. I am content to hold little babies and then return them to their mothers. I will babysit when necessary but this incubator is closed.

Thank you God for giving me a beautiful family. Thank you for the three blessings that continue to enrich my life each and every day. Thank you for the life partner you have given me in whom I am securely nestled in his heart. Thank you God for the peace I have in the life I now live. I am blessed beyond words and as I watch my children grow, change and develop, I thank you for each stage of life. I also thank you that I will be ready for each one as it arrives.

Pain

There are many degrees of pain in this fine world of ours but nothing compares to the pain you feel when you see your child in pain. The agony of being unable to make it go away and the helpless feeling that is all encompassing.

On Saturday, my sweet girl was spending the night with her best friend and on Sunday morning we received a call that she had had an accident. Instantly the adrenalin starts pumping and every fiber of my mommy body starts humming in reaction to the need to be with my child.

Upon reaching her, she looked so tiny sitting on the medical clinic's table. Her face mirroring her pain as well as trying to be brave. Yet the moment she sees me, her bravado slips away and she melts in to tears. I wrapped my arms around her and cuddled her as tightly as possible while listening to her best friend's mom tell me how she got her little pinky finger caught in the closet door as her friend tried to close it.

Her friend was unaware the her hand/finger was even there and thinking that it was a toy blocking the way, was pushing really hard to get the door closed. Thereby, nearly severing the tip of her finger. However, God is so good and the doctor was able to get it reattached and sewed 8 stitches and wrapped it up. I knew that the next couple days could be rough but once again God took care of her. The first night was the hardest. After all were in bed, I took my iPhone and crawled into bed with her. We played games on the phone until the pain meds kicked in and she was relaxed.

Two days later, we returned to the doctor for a bandage change as well as for them to see how it was healing. Bandage removal was hard because it was stuck to her finger. God gave us an awesome dr for this because he decided to try something that would minimize her pain. He used a glue-like adhesive which once applied was almost like a cast. It hardened and protects her finger therefore nearly eliminating her pain. She has not had a bit of pain meds since then.

But even through it all, I want her best friend's family to know that we love them!! I know that they feel such guilt especially now that she is unable to go to camp. But God isn't/wasn't surprised. Even if we had known that something like this was going to happen, I would have still allowed her to spend the night. I cannot protect them from every little thing that "might" or "will" happen. It was an accident!!! It just happened and even though, as her momma, I wish it had not ... it did. Please do not feel guilty!! We love you guys and will continue to entrust our daughter into your care. You are great parents and awesome people!!! XOXOXO

Decisions

I believe that some decisions are harder than others. But this one seemed to make sense...we decided to buy the kids a playground (and possible pool) instead of going on a vacation. I know that seeing the kids on the playground will be worth it. Especially when they are making up games and not coming in saying "I am bored."

However, the hard part is knowing that my butt will be planted firmly right here at home on a continual basis. Don't get me wrong... I love being a stay-at-home mom and spending time with my kids but I also LOVE road trips. Packing the car to the brim with luggage and snacks and setting out for an adventure. Going where we want and stopping along the way to see whatever suits our fancy. Poking our noses into little quaint shops and kid friendly places to see what interesting things we can find.

Well, not this year... this year we will make our own interesting things and try to have as many play dates with friends as possible. So to my kids, I say...Let your imagination soar...make that new playground whatever your mind can think of. A travel trailer that can take you places, a magic treehouse that can transport you to a different time, a rocket ship that can blast off into space, or just a cozy place to read. I hope you have MANY years of enjoyment on your new play area created just for you! XOXO

Locked Out

Ever had that sinking feeling knowing that something just happened that you couldn't control and how it may have been a sinking feeling but it is now rising up to a panic feeling...

That is the same feeling I felt when, after walking out the back door to the porch to check on Max and Elisabeth, I hear the telltale click of the lock on the door. Especially knowing that Ethan is the one who locked it. We have two doors going out to the patio but as luck would have it...the other one was locked as well. Now I have the task of trying to tell a 2 yr old how to turn the handle and unlock the door. He kept telling me, thru the door, that it was too hard and he couldn't do it. Frustration rising quickly inside me as well as anger, I kept telling him he had to!!!

Unsure of what to do, since hubby is still at work an hours drive away and my phone is inside, I start wracking my brain. I remember that the extra garage door opener is in hubby's closet. I think "If I can get him to get that, I can go around to the front and go in that way." But of course he is unable to find it.

At this point the other two, who have been outside playing in the Slip-N-Slide for the past couple of hours, now have the urgent need to use the bathroom. Knowing that it could be a while before we get back in, I tell Elisabeth to go as close to the house and the wood fence as possible and when she is done, I tell Max to do the same thing.

Trying to keep myself calm, I start talking to Ethan again to turn the knob. I can hear him wiggling it back and forth which is doing nothing. He is near to tears because he can tell I am frustrated and he is still unable to figure it out.

Finally, after about 20 minutes, I hear the wonderful click and the door moves. I bolt in before the door can close again. I am going to figure out how to keep this from ever happening again!!

Saved by Pop-Ice

I have come to realize that there are things that we take for granted. Simple things of life. I think air conditioning is one of those things. I suspect that I would be even more grateful if it were a blistering August day. However, I am thankful that even though it is June, the temps have been relatively mild, therefore when the a/c went out on Saturday I didn't have the urge to pass out. Only the urge to do absolutely NOTHING but lay on the couch under the ceiling fan.

Of course, being that it was the weekend, there was no way that anyone would be coming to repair it before Monday. However, it is now Monday and we still get to wait another day. Our saving grace has been the thunderstorm that rolled through this morning along with the ever present box of Pop-Ice! It is amazing how those little packets of frozen liquid can cool off even the hottest of bodies. Just a little ice, a little flavor and pure relief. I am beginning to think that I want to own stock in that company. Not only is it a summer staple but it has helped ease three hot children as well as their frazzled mother through three days of no air conditioning.

So to the fabulous company, Pop-Ice... I salute you!!

Life Lessons

I started making a list of the lessons I have learned about myself... I am sure this list isn't completed but it is a start.

I've learned:

* Sometime you need a little support - in more ways that one.

* Age isn't a state of being, it is also a state of mind.

* That I am addicted to babies and didn't know how much until I had one (two and three)!

* That I am very melancholy and emotional. I can cry at ANYTHING!

* That I feel very deeply.

* That at age 40 I still don't know what I want to do with my life.

* That I am very proud of my family.

* That I would do anything for my family and will do everything to protect them.

* That I hate being cold and it makes me cranky.

* That I am beginning to like me, even though some days I don't know who I am.

* That I LOVE gifts!! Especially the small spontaneous heartfelt ones.

* that I love new clothes but don't like spending the money.

* that I have many regrets but realize that is just part of life.

* that I am a homebody by nature but love the adventure of travel.

* that I hate cleaning but love a clean organized home.

* that I still hate cooking and eating.

* that I do not like asking for anything, especially if it costs money.

* that I need girlfriends but have very few.

* that I hate getting ready - it seems pointless - but like the feeling of being ready to face the day.

Meltdown

Ever have a day that just makes you want to scream? Where finding anything good is almost impossible? I think that sometimes we moms just bottle it up inside and just label it as feeling hormonal...that "time of month." Not that I don't think hormones play a part but sometimes it is just a breaking point. One that just pushes you over the edge.

It was just that way...I wanted to just go to the bathroom with out having someone either standing beside me watching, banging on the door wanting in, siblings fighting over something stupid, the dog under my feet, or the cat rubbing on my leg. I was exhausted, frustrated, worn out, and had had enough. Now, I realize that parenthood requires total and utter devotion but there still has to be a few moments of ME time. Moments to pee alone, moments to think, moments to let the body relax without having someone crawling on me, and moments to just breathe! I am not asking for the moon ... just a few moments to think about me.

So ... the next time the door to the bathroom is shut ... don't worry, be patient please ... I promise I will be out in a moment.

Heartbreak

Today my heart hurts ... Things happen that I don't understand. I know to trust God but I still scream NOOOOOO and ask why did this happen. It isn't right, it shouldn't have happened, it is wrong, unacceptable ...

I can't stand it. I want to stomp my feet and throw a big temper tantrum. Life isn't supposed to be this cruel. A beautiful delicate flower trampled, gone before it even had a chance to fully bloom.

Tears flow in rivulets, streaming down my face in agony. Great sobs are wrenched from deep within my soul as I try and struggle with the knowledge. I must stand strong for my beautiful friend but know that it is okay to cry with her when she leans on me. Walking with her through this knowing that it is a parent's worst nightmare and knowing she is wondering how or what she could have done to prevent or stop it from happening.

Oh dear God, please hold them close as the pain feels so sharp and the agony so raw. Let them draw closer to You and to each other, holding each other up as they grieve in their different ways. Show them Your love and tenderness ... wrap Your arms around them and let them know it is okay to hurt and to cry.

I love you, beautiful tiny flower. I am not going to say good-bye because I will see you again one day ... beautiful and whole.

Springtime = A new me

Three weeks ago Hubby came to me and suggest a workout program for us to do together. The initial reaction was surprise but also elation. I had been doing my own workout for some time but had only seen minimal results. Plus I had been wanting him to exercise with me! A buddy always makes it better.

So together we started on our new venture. The first week was a serious bumble. Thankfully, it was during Spring Break and I could collapse back into bed after our 4:00 am endurance test.

Week two was better. I had a idea what was to come and could focus better as well as push myself harder. All the while, staying sore in some area of my body... just changing which area each day.

Week three is now almost concluded and I am seriously thrilled we started this. I just wish we had started sooner. I haven't seen the scale change much but I have seen a change in my shape and endurance ability. Clothes are fitting differently and that post-three-kids body is beginning to loose that frumpy, flabby, flubby feel. I could almost get used to this feeling and look.

The meal plan is what seems to be the hardest part. No carbs except for a little wild rice. Mostly eggs, fish, chicken and veggies. Not that I don't like those things but after three weeks I am craving variety. Thankfully, it will change as we push into Phase 2 of the workout/meal plan.

As Spring unfolds and Summer approaches, I am not looking forward to them with dread and apprehension but with anticipation that this body will be better and fitter. The swimsuit will even fit better... and maybe... just maybe I will have the guts to try a bikini once again...

Only time will tell. :D

The Ride

Well, it started with dropping Elisabeth off at school. That in itself is pretty normal. But halfway home, I hear a loud bang followed but a continuous rumble. Thinking it is the semi-truck to my right, I continue on for a bit. But a few seconds later, I notice that the truck has exited the highway and I realize that it is my car making the noise. Pulling off, I confirm that I indeed have a flat tire.

I call W and tell him what has happened. He tells me to call AAA but when I do they tell me that I am not on his policy and they are unable to talk to me. When I him back, he assures me that he will call and make sure that someone is headed my way. I sit for about 15 minutes and then call to see the status. W says that it will be an hour to an hour and a half wait before AAA can get to me. Seriously?!?! It can't be that busy on a Monday morning after 8:00 am. Thankfully, W is thinking ahead of me and has called Owasso's finest to help me out. Grateful that there is a DVD player in the car to occupy the boys, we wait.

It isn't long before two kind uniformed men arrive. One attempts to extricate the tiny spare and other to get the jack to lift the vehicle. Both are unsuccessful. However, they have called a tow truck to take us to the tire store for a replacement. To the boys' delight, there wasn't room for all three of us in the tow truck... which put each of them in the front seat of a police car. Neither of the boys were frightened of being alone in the car without mom. So while mom rides in the big, bumpy tow truck, the boys get an up-close view of all the bells and whistles ... definitely something that they are still talking about and I am sure I will for some time.

Spring

I think spring is almost a state of mind as much as it is a season. The sky looks bluer, the clouds whiter and those tiny blades of grass pushing up thru the old dead brown stuff look even greener than they did last year. The trees are budding later this year but yet it feels exhilarating to have conquered such a hard winter.

This is the first spring in our new home and I love being able to send the kids out to the back yard and let them wear themselves out. I think we all sleep better after a few hours of romping in the cool spring air...even the dog!

It is my intent to soak it up and enjoy the sunshine and the warmth as much as I can. The kids are growing up so very fast and it seems like the apron strings are slipping through my fingers at such a fast rate that I feel the urge to hold onto them tighter. The last ten years have been focused on having them now it is time to just enjoy them.

I feel such a sense of pride as I watch them find their God given talents and how awesome they are. I just sit back and listen to them...really hear what they say and what they are interested in. Then it is up to me and W to carefully and gently cultivate those special talents. Just like a new little flower or tree sapling ... pushing up the the old dead grass.

Ahhh... spring isn't just a season.

Planet Mom

Once a woman sees that first positive sign in a pregnancy test and then nine months later a sweet baby is placed in her arms for the first time, she has immediately landed on a foreign planet ... a place called Planet Mom. It is a whole new and different world. A world to be explored and investigated yet it seems to swallow us whole. Almost as if it is a blackhole giving that woman a one way ticket. It isn't a bad thing unless it so consumes you to where you loose all sense of identity.

It isn't hard for a woman to distinguish between being a woman and a sister and/or daughter. Yet it begins to blur once you become married. You become a Mrs... Someones wife ... even though God designed marriage for you to become one, you tend to focus on the man you married and the dreams that you have as a couple or supporting your husband and his dreams, forgetting the woman that also once had dreams and goals.

Then once you think that you have mastered Planet Wife then you get propelled to that third planet...Planet Mom. A planet where life becomes almost chaotic at times. Juggling sleepless nights, diapers and potty training, meals, taxi service, laundry, cleaning, and still caring for and supporting the man that you married.

I am not saying that this is any way a bad life. In fact, it is very rewarding. I love seeing my husband happy and content, knowing that he is well cared for. That his laundry will always be done and his children are happy and healthy. They show their love for him by bombarding him at the door saying "PAPA'S HOME! I love you, Papa!!!!" I can see how he loved he feels as he scoops them up and loves on them.

My only thing is that I feel like I am stuck on Planet Mom and can see Planet Woman and Planet Wife in the distance. I am wondering how to combine them all three into one Planet. Planet Mom is important right now because my children are still very young and need my guidance on a daily basis. Planet Wife is very important. Without hubby, I would be nothing. He is my rock, my support, my confidante and my best friend. But Planet Woman hasn't even been visited in a very long time. I am not sure if any vegetation even grows there anymore. I am thinking it is very dry and dusty. I even think that the airline that once flew there has long since canceled its services to that location. How do I reach it? Are there any dreams still alive there? Are they dead or just dormant?

Anyone know of a way to combine Planet Mom, Planet Wife and Planet Woman? It takes all three to keep a good balance!!! Without one is like a trying to keep a three-legged stool from falling over. Whether or not you remain on Planet Woman, never taking the journey to Planet Wife or even Planet Mom. It is still a balancing act. Making sure that your Planet(s) revolves on an even keel.

Good luck to you ... And I am going to find an airline that will allow me to take a short expedition to Planet Woman and see if there is any life to the dreams that once resided there.

Mealtime

I feel like my life revolves around mealtime... Just as soon as I get one cleaned up it is time to start either planning or cooking the next one. Which that in itself is a challenge when trying to feed three kids with three completely different tastes.

For instance, I cook a kid-friendly meal of buffalo chicken strips with ranch and celery... Elisabeth would rather eat the chicken and celery... Max is just the opposite. He would rather eat the celery and skip the chicken. Ethan is just Ethan. He eats a little of both.

Will and I are trying hard to eat better and more healthy but are hearing protests from our children. This isn't easy for me...I really dislike cooking. I eat because it is necessary. Yeah, I realize that isn't the best example for my kids but it feels like a waste of time.

So... that being said... it is time to go fix lunch for two hungry boys.

Upkeep

My husband called me the other day to tell me thank you...Okay...What for??? For not being a high maintenance wife. Ummmm Okay. I guess that is a good thing. I wonder sometimes though. I tend to be last to take of me. However, I have to give said hubby credit. He did give me a clothes shopping trip for Valentine's Day. Problem is since it was still cold I got some sweaters and now it is getting warm and I need some clothes for the warmer weather. Plus he needs clothes too. Sheesh...of course with three kids, guaranteed one ore more of them needs something.

But I wonder...how do we know when to allow the spending of money to take care of ourselves? I mean, I buy my make-up at the Dollar Store and wonder why it doesn't stay on or look very well; I take vitamins and will buy the cheaper version but expect the same effect as the good ones; and feel guilty when I would like a haircut because I don't want to spend the money knowing that in a few weeks it will need to be cut again.

But shouldn't we learn to take care of ourselves as well? Where do we draw the line?? Where is the balance in making sure the kids have everything they need but yet not allowing ourselves what we need. We keep saying..."I will do it later when Child #1, #2, or #3 is taken care of." I am not sure that they will ever be completely taken care of. They will always need something esp as they start having more and more extra activities.

So, I continue to shop at the Dollar Store for makeup, buy the cheaper vitamins, wear the same clothes and underclothes until they are threadbare, and wait for the haircut until I am about ready to cut it myself.

Guess that is what they call Parenthood

Introspective

Been feeling a bit introspective lately... My husband would say that I have been in a funk but it isn't a bad mood. Feels more like I have turned inward and am evaluating myself. Finding the balance between motherhood, wifehood and womanhood. It is probably in part to a new year as well as having turned 40 this past birthday. I think sometimes women get lost in all the roles that we play and forget our true self. That woman made by God who has thoughts and dreams and ideas of our own.

So, I have been playing melancholy Celtic music and let the thoughts run rampant in my head... sorting them as such and trying to get them out into journals... hence my new blog.

Welcome to my journey of dealing with "life amid the butterflies and hotwheels.