Infiltration

Webster's Dictionary defines "infiltration" as something that permeates...

Ever notice just how much children "infiltrate" our lives? From the very moment that a couple starts even talking about having children, they consume our every thought. From the trying to the pregnancy then from pregnancy to the delivery. But are we really prepared for how much they take over our lives? Even if someone had warned us, I don't think that we would have truly understood. Every waking moment, and some non-waking moments, are consumed with the caring and raising of said children.

From the moment I became pregnant the first time, I have had a child with me. Everywhere I go and everywhere I am. Yes, there have been the rare moments (ie: dr appointments) where I have been alone. But I would say that 99.9% of the time, I have at least one child with me and many times I have four. Sometimes, I think I have forgotten what it is like to only hear my thoughts.

This said infiltration goes even into every aspect of life. We buy our vehicles in proportion to how many kids we need to transport. We plan our dinners out to what the kids will eat. We plan our vacations around what our kids enjoy. Our weeknights and weekends revolve around the extracurricular activities that each child participates in. When it is time for the purchasing of seasonal clothing, we invariably buy for our children first and then if there is anything left, we might buy for ourselves.

I can't sit down unless I am ready for one or more to come sit or crawl on me. A trip to the bathroom is never done alone because invariably one of them will need something that (in their mind) just cannot wait or that is the very moment needs a hug.

Now that we are homeschooling, I am with them even more. They spend all morning in the "schoolroom" working very hard ... each with their own lessons. While I bounce between the three of them instructing and answering questions. Occasionally, I can slip off the the bathroom, throw in a load of laundry or do the dishes.

The boys are getting very close to having their birthdays. It isn't that I don't know what to get them...I just don't know when I am going to shop for birthday gifts...they are always with me.

But ya know ... This is my life. I chose it. I chose to be a SAHM and a homeschool teacher. I know it won't last forever. I know that it won't be long and they will be driving themselves around doing their own thing, coming home only to eat and sleep. I know that these moments are fleeting and there will come a day when I will miss them standing at the bathroom door wanting me to snap their jeans or give them a hug. I will miss it when I sit down and there isn't a small body that flings him/herself on me just because they need to be near me. And the nightly prayers and tuck-ins will be a thing of the past. A trip to the grocery store won't be a monumentous occasion because I will be wandering the aisles by myself. But for now...I treasure the wild and chaotic times as well as the quiet moments with each of them.

And since I chose this life...I don't complain even thought most evenings/nights, I am utterly exhausted.

And since I chose this life...I snuggle my sweet children close even though my mind and body is screaming "get off of me."

And since I chose this life...I wouldn't have it any other way.

I love you Elisabeth, Max and Ethan!!!