Ever have a day that just makes you want to scream? Where finding anything good is almost impossible? I think that sometimes we moms just bottle it up inside and just label it as feeling hormonal...that "time of month." Not that I don't think hormones play a part but sometimes it is just a breaking point. One that just pushes you over the edge.
It was just that way...I wanted to just go to the bathroom with out having someone either standing beside me watching, banging on the door wanting in, siblings fighting over something stupid, the dog under my feet, or the cat rubbing on my leg. I was exhausted, frustrated, worn out, and had had enough. Now, I realize that parenthood requires total and utter devotion but there still has to be a few moments of ME time. Moments to pee alone, moments to think, moments to let the body relax without having someone crawling on me, and moments to just breathe! I am not asking for the moon ... just a few moments to think about me.
So ... the next time the door to the bathroom is shut ... don't worry, be patient please ... I promise I will be out in a moment.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Heartbreak
Today my heart hurts ... Things happen that I don't understand. I know to trust God but I still scream NOOOOOO and ask why did this happen. It isn't right, it shouldn't have happened, it is wrong, unacceptable ...
I can't stand it. I want to stomp my feet and throw a big temper tantrum. Life isn't supposed to be this cruel. A beautiful delicate flower trampled, gone before it even had a chance to fully bloom.
Tears flow in rivulets, streaming down my face in agony. Great sobs are wrenched from deep within my soul as I try and struggle with the knowledge. I must stand strong for my beautiful friend but know that it is okay to cry with her when she leans on me. Walking with her through this knowing that it is a parent's worst nightmare and knowing she is wondering how or what she could have done to prevent or stop it from happening.
Oh dear God, please hold them close as the pain feels so sharp and the agony so raw. Let them draw closer to You and to each other, holding each other up as they grieve in their different ways. Show them Your love and tenderness ... wrap Your arms around them and let them know it is okay to hurt and to cry.
I love you, beautiful tiny flower. I am not going to say good-bye because I will see you again one day ... beautiful and whole.
I can't stand it. I want to stomp my feet and throw a big temper tantrum. Life isn't supposed to be this cruel. A beautiful delicate flower trampled, gone before it even had a chance to fully bloom.
Tears flow in rivulets, streaming down my face in agony. Great sobs are wrenched from deep within my soul as I try and struggle with the knowledge. I must stand strong for my beautiful friend but know that it is okay to cry with her when she leans on me. Walking with her through this knowing that it is a parent's worst nightmare and knowing she is wondering how or what she could have done to prevent or stop it from happening.
Oh dear God, please hold them close as the pain feels so sharp and the agony so raw. Let them draw closer to You and to each other, holding each other up as they grieve in their different ways. Show them Your love and tenderness ... wrap Your arms around them and let them know it is okay to hurt and to cry.
I love you, beautiful tiny flower. I am not going to say good-bye because I will see you again one day ... beautiful and whole.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Springtime = A new me
Three weeks ago Hubby came to me and suggest a workout program for us to do together. The initial reaction was surprise but also elation. I had been doing my own workout for some time but had only seen minimal results. Plus I had been wanting him to exercise with me! A buddy always makes it better.
So together we started on our new venture. The first week was a serious bumble. Thankfully, it was during Spring Break and I could collapse back into bed after our 4:00 am endurance test.
Week two was better. I had a idea what was to come and could focus better as well as push myself harder. All the while, staying sore in some area of my body... just changing which area each day.
Week three is now almost concluded and I am seriously thrilled we started this. I just wish we had started sooner. I haven't seen the scale change much but I have seen a change in my shape and endurance ability. Clothes are fitting differently and that post-three-kids body is beginning to loose that frumpy, flabby, flubby feel. I could almost get used to this feeling and look.
The meal plan is what seems to be the hardest part. No carbs except for a little wild rice. Mostly eggs, fish, chicken and veggies. Not that I don't like those things but after three weeks I am craving variety. Thankfully, it will change as we push into Phase 2 of the workout/meal plan.
As Spring unfolds and Summer approaches, I am not looking forward to them with dread and apprehension but with anticipation that this body will be better and fitter. The swimsuit will even fit better... and maybe... just maybe I will have the guts to try a bikini once again...
Only time will tell. :D
So together we started on our new venture. The first week was a serious bumble. Thankfully, it was during Spring Break and I could collapse back into bed after our 4:00 am endurance test.
Week two was better. I had a idea what was to come and could focus better as well as push myself harder. All the while, staying sore in some area of my body... just changing which area each day.
Week three is now almost concluded and I am seriously thrilled we started this. I just wish we had started sooner. I haven't seen the scale change much but I have seen a change in my shape and endurance ability. Clothes are fitting differently and that post-three-kids body is beginning to loose that frumpy, flabby, flubby feel. I could almost get used to this feeling and look.
The meal plan is what seems to be the hardest part. No carbs except for a little wild rice. Mostly eggs, fish, chicken and veggies. Not that I don't like those things but after three weeks I am craving variety. Thankfully, it will change as we push into Phase 2 of the workout/meal plan.
As Spring unfolds and Summer approaches, I am not looking forward to them with dread and apprehension but with anticipation that this body will be better and fitter. The swimsuit will even fit better... and maybe... just maybe I will have the guts to try a bikini once again...
Only time will tell. :D
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